Insecurities and Inner Game

Now, everybody has insecurities.  Especially when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex.  Some say this will affect your inner game, which is probably true.  Depending on how insecure you are and about what will affect you when and even if you decide to approach a chick to begin with.

So, here’s some of my insecurities, past and present, and how I deal with them, dealt with them, or plan to deal with them in the future.  Some of these are bigger issues to me than others, but all of them either affect me now, or have in the past.

1.  Weight – it’s not an issue right now, because at 162 lbs, I feel like I’m in pretty good shape.   After doing p90x, I’m more toned than I’ve ever been and I feel like I look pretty good now.  In the past though, when I weighed about 190 with a bit of beer belly it did bother me a bit, and I definitely feel the need to continue to work out, eat healthy and just improve my overall fitness, so that I don’t wind up back there again anytime soon.

2. Acne – I’ve never had the horrible acne where it was all over, but I do get stress induced breakouts.  In college, I’d always break out during finals week.  Lately, my acne is back because I’ve been stressing out over my finances and my future a bit.  I hate acne – I hate having pimples.  I tend to get them around my mouth, chin and jaw line, but they occasionally pop up around the nose and the forehead area as well.  I can’t use most acne medication because I have very sensitive skin, so I have to stick to very gentle soaps.  The best way I’ve found to combat acne is really just to wash my face at least twice a day and try to avoid the habit of picking at my pimples or shit like that when I’m bored.  This doesn’t cure/prevent my acne all together, but it does seem to help a bit.

3.  Armpit Sweat – This, I really hate.  Most of my life, I wore baggy as clothes and always an undershirt.  I’d use the undershirt as kind of a filter to keep the pit stains from my main shirt.  I don’t know if I just sweat easy or a lot or if it’s just hot down here, but my pits definitely sweat easily.    Again, my sensitive skin prevents me from wearing strong antiperspirant, because they’ll just burn me and give me a rash.   Lately, the way I deal with this is to buy some of these.

4.  Sensitive Skin – it’s not too much of an issue in and of itself, but like I mentioned in #’s 2 and 3 it really prevents me from using acne soaps or strong antiperspirants, because I react and burn and breakout in rashes easily from these types of products.

5.  Pale Skin – I don’t tan easily, so I stay pretty pale.  The back of my neck is the most tan part of my body.  I tend to burn really easily in the sun as well.  The one time I went to a tanning salon and laid down on the machine, I came back burned.  I’m tempted to try the spray tanning they have at a lot salons and spa’s now.

6.  Hair – for the most part, I’ve never liked my hair.  Hell, I remember being insecure about my hair in elementary school – that’s how far this one goes back.  I’ve tried countless hairstyles and I’ve had some success with some.  In middle school, I rocked an odd spiky/parted hairstyle that was unique in that I just kind of made it up myself.  It required a lot of gel, but from 6th to 8th grade that was my look.  Girls used to tell me they liked my hair then too.  Since then, I’ve had everything from a buzz, to a fade, to a mohawk ,to braids, and now I basically need a haircut, but I have a new cut/style that I’ve kind of designed myself that combines a few different haircuts in one.  I haven’t gotten it yet, because I need a talented barber to pull it off, and I’m still trying to locate my old barbers in my hometown.  The biggest insecurity with hair for me these days, and especially in college was when I felt like I needed a haircut.  If I felt like I needed a cut, I wouldn’t even want to leave the house.  When I had a fresh cut, my confidence was sky-high.

7.  Facial Hair/Baby Face – I’ve mainly rocked a goatee, but in the past couple of years, I’ve mixed it up from goatee to a more fuller beard on occasion.  I used to have the goatee with the chin strap for a while, and it looked damn good on me, if I say so myself.  Lately, I’ve been clean-shaven more often as I try to tap into the professional world and I’m on the job hunt.  When I first shaved, I hated it and wanted to pick my goatee hairs out of the sink and glue them back to my face.  I just felt like I looked so young it bothered me.  Now, that I’ve shaved it off a few times and am getting more used to being clean-shaven, it’s actually not so bad.  I’m still cute without a goatee, even if it does mean I’m more likely to get carded for alcohol now.

That’s all I can really think of right now.  Not having enough money to buy some more clothes and revamp the wardrobe can be another one, but I did just go shopping and grab a few things, so the wardrobe is at least decent right now.   I definitely like to look and feel good when I step out of the house….