There’s A Line For This

Saturday night, I roll out with Dr. Know It All and Shuttlesworth.

Freshman Orientation texts me at like 8:30, “What are you getting into tonight?”

“Going downtown.  Not sure where yet.”

At midnight, she texts me again, “At [club]… Forgot my id so I’m kinda limited.”

Smh @ her forgetting her id.  I’m not about to go follow her around and find out where she is.  I tell her where we’re at.  She makes some sly comment about the place we’re at being dirty and then hits me with a “have fun”.

Okay, guess I’m not running into her tonight… it’s cool though, we already have a date planned for tomorrow (Sunday), so I’m not tripping.

Back to getting on some new shit with Shuttlesworth and Dr. Know It All.  We hit one bar and sit down at a table near the dance floor, there’s two girls dancing in front of me and when they move around, I tap one of them on the elbow and motion for her to come here.  She does.  I talk to her a bit and her friend as well.  They move around, but she tells me “I’ll be right back.”

I don’t wait up.

I see a couple of other chicks walking by on Dr. Know It All’s side.  I motion for him to open them.  He glances over his shoulder and opens them.  Wow, somebody besides me opened a set!   I’m impressed!  Shuttlesworth and him game those two and Dr. Know It All leaves with a number.

A few more chicks, a few more drunken moments and before you know it it’s last call and we’re back in the street.  Last minute, hail mary time.

Two chicks are walking by, I open them, wind up with one of them, Dr. Know It All takes the other.  We’re talking to them and it’s going well with my chick, I can tell she’s into me.  Let’s call her Cowgirl.  I ask her where the afterparty is.

“I don’t know, you tell me.’

“It’s at my place.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

Our conversation probably doesn’t even last 10 minutes when the chick Dr. Know It All was talking to comes up to us and says, “I’m sorry to have to break this off, but why don’t y’all two just exchange numbers, we got to go.”

We exchange numbers and then I grab her and kiss her, and then they move around.

30 minutes later, Shuttlesworth’s hungry munchie having ass is trying to go to Ihop again.  I text Cowgirl and tell her we’re going to Ihop.

She texts back, “We’re about to head there too”

We get to Ihop.  It’s at least a 10, 20 minute wait for a table.  Fuck that we’re going somewhere else.

I text Cowgirl,  ”We’re going to [somewhere else] instead…. slide thru.”

Her, “Naw I want ihop”

She calls me, “Come back to Ihop, we just got up here.”

“Naw, it’s a 45 minute wait up there.  There’s no wait at [somewhere else] and I’m hungry.  Come up here.”

“No, I don’t eat [somewhere else].  I want bacon at Ihop.”

“They have bacon at [somewhere else.]“

“Yeah, but I don’t eat there bacon.”

This goes on for a little while, with her being stubborn and trying to get me to come back to Ihop.  Eventually she gives in, “Okay, I’ll come up to [somewhere else] just to say to hi to you, but then I’m leaving and going to Ihop.”

“Alright, come on.”

I get off the phone.  Shuttlesworth looks at me, “bro, she’s driving over here to say ‘hi’ to you at 3 in the morning?   You know what she wants, close the deal.”

I just laugh.

Shuttlesworth, Dr. Know It All and I sit down at a table with our food.  We’re eating when the girls show up.  Cowgirl sits in the booth next to me.  Her friend sits in the booth behind us, by herself, but we talk to her and keep her engaged to.

My game was pretty on point here, I must say.  Dr. Know It All and Shuttlesworth were witnesses to it.  I just keep negging, busting on her and playing with her.   She keeps calling me a “smartass” and an “asshole.”

Eventually, she tries to rub on my leg.  I push her hand away, “Who said you could rub on my leg?  What are you trying to do, seduce me?  I’m not that easy.”

She laughs, “Oh, really, do you have to be wined and dined first?”

“Yes, I do.”

I make it a point to talk to her friend a lot too, so that she’s cool with me.

Cowgirl brings up me kissing her in the middle of the street.  ”You can’t just be kissing me in the middle of the street like that, what if my boyfriend was around?”

“Well, you should’ve said your boyfriend could be around.   That’d be your fault, not mine.”

“Whatever.  I’m just joking though, I don’t have a boyfriend.”

I shrug my shoulders.

Then, the girls are about to get ready to go, and Cowgirl says she’s about to go to Waffle House to get her bacon.  Cowgirl tries to bring up something about seeing me again.  I tell her, “I’m moving back to [my hometown] tomorrow.”

“Really?”  She asks.

“Naw, I’m lying.  I move back on Monday.”

“Whatever.”  Then, she looks at Dr. Know It All and asks him, “Is he really moving back to [my hometown]?”

Dr. Know It All confirms it.

Cowgirl looks back at me, “Well, it was nice knowing you.”

“Nice knowing you too.  Come down to [my hometown] and visit me sometime.”

I call her Cowgirl because she’s from the suburbs, some little rinky-dink outskirts town.

She responds, “I don’t know about that.  Why should I drive all the way to [my hometown] to visit you?  Are you going to come up to [rinky-dink town] to visit me.”

“Yeah, right now.”

Her eyes get big, “Really?”

“Yeah, I’ll head that way in like 30 minutes.  Text me your address.”

“Okay, I’ll text you my address.  When are you coming?”

“Right after I drop them off.”  I motion to Dr. Know It All and Shuttlesworth.

“Okay.  I’m going to Waffle House first to get my bacon, but I’ll just pick it up and then head home.  I’ll text you my address.”

Her friend butts in, “hold on, what is your name?  I’m bout to Google you, I need to know what my friend is getting herself into before you can come over.”  (They’re roomates).

Cowgirl says something like, “There she goes again.  She’s always trying to Google something, I joke around and call her the CEO of Google.”

Her friend, “That’s right, I’m the CEO of Google.”

Me:  ”Really?  So you must be worth like $17 billion or something.  Shit, let me hold a few dollars.”

We laugh, joke around some more.  Then, I say to the friend, “Just leave her with me, we’ll be up to [rinky-dink town] in a few minutes.”

Friend looks at Cowgirl, “You just want to ride with him, girl?”

Cowgirl looks at me, “I still need my bacon, you going to stop at Waffle House.”

“Yeah, I’ll stop at fucking Waffle House.”

It’s a done deal.  We get in the car, Me, Shuttlesworth, Dr. Know It All and Cowgirl.  I drop my boys off and then head to Waffle House.

While we’re waiting on her food, she starts to ask questions about me.  ”So, do you have a girlfriend?”

I just laugh and look at her, “Why?”

“I mean, I don’t care. You’re cheating on her, it’s not like you’re cheating on me.”

“Naw, I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Whatever.  You’re lying.”

Then, the questions really come out.  ”What do you do?”  ”Are you really moving to [hometown]?”  ”What brought you down here anyway?”

“I went to school here.”

“Which school?”

“[School name.]“

“Oh, so you’re smart?”

“I thought you knew.”

“Naw, I just know you’re a smart ASS.”

She gets her food, we get back in the car and head out to her apartment.  More conversation, more of me being “a smart ass”.    At some point while we’re driving, some dude calls her.  She lies about who she’s with and what she’s doing.  I pretend not to notice.

We get back to her apartment and go straight to her roomate’s room.  She’s lying in bed on the phone and we both just sit down on her bed and talk to her while Cowgirl eats her food.  It’s like 5am now.  This shit is so random.  After Cowgirl finishes her food, she goes back to her room.  I go to take a piss, then I go to her room, she’s already down to just a top and some panties.  Wow, this shit is too easy.

We start kissing.  She grabs my shirt, “take your shirt off!”  She fiddles with the buttons, I make fun of her, “you don’t know how to un-do buttons?”

“Haha, yeah, I might rip it!  You should probably take it off,  yourself.”

I get up, take my shirt of.  Y’all know the rest.  At 5am, I’m tired as shit and I’m not even that horny.  There’s no teasing, no resistance, no LMR, nothing, the pussy is mine.  For some reason, that turns me off a little bit – this shit is too easy.  I don’t think I ever even reach full erection.   I fuck her for awhile on top, but I’m just not into this.  I let her get on top – and she’s trash.  Horrible at riding dick.  ”I don’t usually get on top,” she says and smiles.  I wanted to say, yeah, I can tell, what the fuck are you doing? I mean, she was riding the head, like she wasn’t getting half of the dick in, much less the whole thing.  Who the fuck rides just the head?  What is this bitch doing?   I try to save it, by grabbing her waist and going at it, but it’s not salvageable, I’m limp.

Technically, my first same night lay ever and I can’t even stay up.  I’ve only had this problem a couple of other times in my life… once when I thought my girlfriend at the time had cheated on me and the one time I tried to pay for pussy in Amsterdam.  Those are the only two times I’ve ever not been able to keep it up.  Here’s number 3.

I push her off of me and try to go to sleep.  I don’t even take the condom off.  Hoping for at least some kind of miracle, like maybe I’ll wake up in the morning with a stiffy and we can try this again.  Worst lay I’ve had in years is all I can think about…. maybe ever.

I complain about it being hot and tell her to go turn the A/C down and get me a bottle of water.

I can’t sleep.  A couple hours past and I don’t fall asleep.  Can’t sleep.  Not even tired anymore.  Just there.  She’s asleep though.   I have two dates tomorrow, I start to think about that.  First, I have a lunch date with Freshman Orientation, and then Army Brat is coming over to watch Entourage and True Blood with me.  I start to think about Army Brat and how I wasn’t aggressive enough and there wasn’t enough build-up to Cowgirl for me to really be turned on.  I start to think about how I’m going to fuck Army Brat tomorrow and how it’s going to be different.  It’s going to be so much better, I can already tell.  Wait, what’s this?  An erection?  Thiking about fucking Army Brat got me hard.  Finally, a full-on erection.

I look over at Cowgirl, she’s asleep.  Fuck it, I’m going in.  I need some redemption.  I start to finger her in her sleep, she starts moaning.  I move the panties out of the way and slide in and beat it up.

Redemption!

Notch!