The Story Of My Last Ex

September 2009, a girl I who I went to high school with for only my freshman year sends me a Facebook message out of nowhere, “Wow, I havent seen u since my tenth grade year. I know u probably dont remember me but how have u been doing?”

So random, I can’t help but to think…. she wants to fuck me.

I barely even remember her.  I maybe talked to her a couple of times, but that was like 9 years ago.  Seriously.  I just remember her being a little skinny girl.  I look through her pictures on Facebook, damn, she’s real cute now that she’s grown.  I’d fuck the shit out of her.

I respond back on Facebook, we banter back in forth for a few days and then she gives me her phone number.  I call her on a Sunday evening, we talk for awhile.  I can tell she’s very interested, she’s not hiding her interest in me at all.

She lives in another city about 2.5 hours away.  We talk on the phone, text and skype for about 2 or 3 weeks, with her really telling me she likes me, saying stuff like, “Oh my gosh, you’re such an asshole!” and then sending me text messages saying, “I am in like with your personality.”

After a couple of weeks of talking on the phone, she asks me how I see her or something, I name some of her good qualities, and then casually mention that we would have great sex.   She seems shocked that I would say this, and inquires, “Great sex?  Why do you think we would have great sex?”

“I just feel like we’re both on the same page, and we both like each other and are really interested in each, so we would both be really into and it would just be great.”

She responds with, “OMG. You are just too good to be true.”

Good to know. One day while we’re on skype, she starts teasing me and takes her shirt off, but has her hands over her breasts.  She plays with them in front of me and then eventually lets me see them.  Damn, this chick is fine!  I can’t wait to fuck her!  I can’t believe I got this little “good girl” from high school undressing for me on Skype.

She invites me to come up to see her one weekend, and I agree to go.  Our first time actually seeing each other since I was in fucking 9th grade.  I’m looking forward to it, then she hits me with, “I just figured I should tell you before hand, that we’re not going to have sex when you come up here.  I don’t want you to get your hopes up.”  This catches me a little off-guard and I almost don’t want to go up there now, but we talk about it, and she explains her side, “I just think it would be best if we wait a little bit, I don’t want to move too fast.  I think it’d be better if we get to know each other more first.”

I’m not really a fan of this waiting shit, but I agree to it, because I didn’t really see any other option.   I got it out of my mind that I was going to fuck her when I went to go visit that weekend.  I didn’t go with any expectations, but I still brought some condoms just in case.

I drive to go see her, get there and she opens the door to the apartment and lets me in. I grab her and kiss her.  She’s really into it.  She’s in the middle of doing her hair, so we go back to her bedroom, so she can finish doing her hair.  We had plans to go to the movies and go a few other places and shit like that, so she was going to finish getting ready first.

She sits on the floor in front of the mirror to do her hair, I sit down on some little stool and talk to her and get caught up.  After she finishes doing her hair, she crawls over to me and kisses me.  I grab her and really start making out with her.  She’s really into it, but then she stops herself, puts her hand in front of her chest and turns away and says, “Oh my gosh, I need to stop.  You’re making me so horny.”   She turns around and sits in my lap with her back to me.  I grab her face and turn it back towards me and kiss her some more.  She stops again and puts her hands in front of her chest, “Oh my gosh!”

We get up and move toward the bed, making out heavily, just standing in the middle of her room and I grab her and pick her up.  I sit her on the bed and continue to make out with her.  I stop, pull back and look at her, she gives me the ‘I want to fuck you’ eyes and says to me, “I want to feel you”

I look at her and smirk, “what do you mean?”

“I want to feel you inside of me!”

I pull back, “but, I thought you said you wanted to wait?”

She grabs me and pulls me back toward her and kisses me, shoves her hand down my pants and grabs my dick, “We can wait later.”  She says.

I push her back on the bed and undress her and myself.  I grab my condoms.  I eat her out, fuck her.  She’s one of those, “fuck me, harder! fuck me, harder!” girls.  She really likes it rough.  This little skinny “good girl” from high school is a great fucking lay, who would’ve thought?

After sex, were laying in bed next to each other and she keeps going on about how good the sex was.  Then, she wants some more.  I get up to get a condom, “wait,” she says, “I want to see what it feels like without a condom.”

I’m intrigued, I look at her, “really?  why is that?”

“Because, I’ve never had sex without a condom and you told me you liked it a lot better.”   Me and my big mouth, I did mention on the phone once that I didn’t like condoms.  I guess that stuck with her.

Fuck it.  I put it in.  We fuck, she’s really into it.  We fuck a couple more times that night.  We miss the movie we were supposed to go see.   We wind up going to sleep together.  Wake up in the morning and fuck again before she goes to work (she goes in at 8).  I go back to sleep, wake up around noon and drive to go watch football at a friend of mine’s house.  A friend from high school… he actually rode the bus with her in 9th grade.  I tell him where I’m coming from, he just laughs.  ”You’re fucking [her name]?  That is so random, bro.  The shit you do.”

After she gets off work, I go to hang out with her some more, before I head back to home.  I wasn’t even expecting to fuck again, we had already fucked so many times the night before and already this morning that I was good.  I wasn’t even going to try anything, I was just going to hang out with her.

We’re laying on the couch, watching TV together, it starts to get late.  I mention that I should get going so I can make it home at a reasonable time.   She looks at me and says, “do you want to play with me again before you go?”

Lol, I guess that’s her way of asking for sex.  We get up and go back to the bedroom.  I fuck her all over the bedroom.  After we’re done, we just lay there, I put her on top, but stay inside her and just chill and talk.  I fuck around her a bit, get her to talk to me and then while she’s in mid-sentence make it jump inside her.  That’s always funny to me.

A couple of weeks later, she comes down to visit me.  Before coming down, she hits me with the bad news, “just so you know, we won’t be having sex this weekend, because I’m on my period.”  Again, I agree.  Again, we wind up fucking anyway.

A couple of weeks later, I go down to visit her again.  Another weekend of just fucking the whole weekend.  Fuck, eat, sleep, fuck, sleep, fuck, eat, fuck, chill, fuck.  That’s basically our itinerary when we’re together.  She even wakes me up to some morning head.  Damn, I’m really starting to like this girl, she knows just how to keep me pleased.

Then, I don’t know what happens, but she really starts tripping.  On the phone one day she starts getting buyer’s remorse or something.  Talking about, “all we do is have sex.  I want more than that out of this relationship.  I think we should quit having sex for awhile and spend some more time together, getting to know each other.  I mean the first time I saw you, you just walked right in and kissed me.  We moved so fast.  I think we should slow it down.”

Of course, I get frustrated and try to fight it.  We argue.  I’m pissed off.  How is she going to complain about all we do is have sex when a lot of the time, she’s the one initiating sex with me?!?

We fight about it, but she’s not budging on the whole, we shouldn’t have sex for awhile thing.  So, eventually, I just give in and agree.  Although, I’m pissed about it and don’t want to.

The next time we hang out is Thanksgiving, I invite her over to my parents house and after dinner, we chill in my bedroom and make-out a bit, then we lay outside in the hammock and make out a lot.  She takes pictures of us making out (and then makes them her background on her computer).   We don’t fuck.  I don’t even try to fuck.  Other than the kissing, I don’t do much escalating or anything physical with her.  Then, we sit in the living room and talk to my parents a little bit.  Then, she leaves.

I’m in town for the whole week for Thanksgiving, she wants me to come over and spend another night with her, before I go back to my city.  I do, of course, we fuck again, and a lot.  I guess, she really only needed that one day of hanging out without fucking, just proof that I could hang out with her without fucking.   Some kind of proof that I liked  her for her company and more than just sex.  I guess.

We go back to going back and forth to visit each other, and spending the whole weekend fucking, every time.

She’s a good girlfriend.  She buys me food, puts gas in my car, takes me to the movies, sucks my dick at the mall.  Everything you could really ask for.

Except she trips over the little shit, “I think we should start using condoms again.  What if I get pregnant?”

“Don’t get pregnant.”

One day she calls me and says, “I’m pregnant.”

“Why are you telling me that?  It’s not mine.”

She hangs up on me and doesn’t talk to me for few days, accusing me of  ”calling her a hoe,” she can’t believe I would say something like that to her, etc.  I knew she wasn’t pregnant, she just came from her friends house who just hand a baby and was pulling some bullshit on me, just to try to see what I would say.

A couple months later in Janaury, she pulls the shit again.  ”I’m going to have a baby!”  She tells me on Skype.

I ignore her.

“Did you hear me?  I’m going to have a baby!  I’m pregnant.”

“No, you’re not.”

“How are you going to tell me I’m not?”

“Cuz you’re not.”

She gets up and comes back, holding a pee-stick in her hand, and holds it up to the webcam.  ”Look.”

“Shut the fuck up, you’re not pregnant.”   I mean, I was pretty sure…

She gets mad and hangs up on me on Skype.

I try to just ignore it, but now I’m really starting to wonder.  Why is she getting so pissed?   She’s not really pregnant, is she?

I call her, and ask her, “Okay, one last time.  Are you actually pregnant or are you just joking?”

In a pissed off, sad voice, she says, “Fine.  I’m just joking!”  And hangs up.

I text her and say shit like “what the fuck is wrong with you?”,  ”It’s not cool to play around about shit like this.”

She doesn’t text back, instead, she calls me, crying.  ”Why would you not believe me?  Why would I lie about this?”

“Cuz you’re not pregnant.  I don’t know, why are you lying about this?”

She hangs up on me, still crying.  ”I gotta go.”

Now, I’m really getting pissed.  But, also worrying.  Is it possible?  Could she be pregnant?  If so, what the fuck am I going to tell my mother?  Fuck that, I ain’t having no kid, how much do abortions cost?

Now, I’m actually starting to hope that she is pregnant, because if this is some kind of stupid joke, I’m done.  I tell myself, lines have to be drawn.  You can’t play around with me like this and expect shit to be cool.  I draw the line.

She calls me back an hour later, laughing, “I’m sorry babe, I’m just joking with you.  I don’t know what’s gotten into me.  I’ve just been drinking all day, I’ve had like 11 beers today.”  I hang up.

I break up with her later that night.  Then, I order Bang and start this blog…..