This is something I’m really trying to work on. I need to just take the reigns and be the leader. Some commenters here as well as members on Roosh’s forum have pointed that out to me.
I’ve also noticed this in my interactions with girls as well. Instead of asking for a number or a date, demand it. Girls respond better when you are direct with them and tell them what to do rather than giving them a choice.
Even Crush pointed that out to me that night when she said, “I should go, unless I’m staying the night.” And I just shrugged my shoulders. To which she said, “Why are you giving me a choice? Why don’t you just kick me out?” She was basically telling me that she didn’t want a choice, she wanted to be told what to do. She wanted me to be more dominating, more demanding and I failed.
I imagine this is why some chicks have flaked on me, because sometimes I’m just wishy-washy with how I make plans.
Instead of, “Can I get your phone number?” say, “Give me your number.”
Instead of, “Do you want to do something Wednesday night?” say, “Let’s go to [place] at [time] on Wednesday night.” or “Meet me at [place] at [time] on Wednesday night.”
This doesn’t apply to just game and girls, but also with my friends and shit as well. Sometimes you just have to step up and take the lead. I’ve had a couple of friends that have been talking about going to play golf together for awhile, but nobody ever actually made plans. So, this past weekend, I said fuck it and stepped up. On Sunday I texted them and said, “We’re playing golf today at 2:30.” I didn’t ask them if they were coming, I didn’t ask them if they wanted to go. I told them this is when it’s going down. They showed up and we played. Motherfuckers talked about doing shit for weeks, but nobody was going to step up and make plans, so I did.
I don’t know why this is, but nobody wants to be the leader and actually make shit happen anymore. Me included. It’s like everybody is scared of coming off too demanding. There’s always tentative plans.. “we should do [such and such] one of these days.” ”Yeah, we should.” Y’all know damn well that unless you step up and say, “Wednesday at 9:00.” that shit is never going to happen.
Step up. Take charge. Be the man who makes the plans.
I’m telling myself this, because it’s something I really need to work on.
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Damn right. For all the feminist psychobabble about how women are equal to men and can do anything men can do, it’s really interesting how all they really want is to submit to a more powerful, dominant man.
I went for drinks with this girl on friday, got a good makeout and am going to bang her sometime in the coming week, I set it all up with my default mode;
Me: ‘Hey it’s me, what are you up to later? Let’s go get some drinks, I wanna check out that little Irish pub just down the street from you, I’ll be there around 9, see you then.’
Her: [tersely] ‘Okay.’
I got in my car and drove 25 minutes to the pub not knowing if she would show, but she was there at 5 after 9. Huge gamble, but I knew she would show up because the amount of alpha in that call is palpable (notice the succinctness and use of ‘I’) and she mentioned how she doesn’t really get out often.
No matter how repulsed a woman is by you and who you are, if you act like a leader, she will feel at least some attraction for you. It’s all really about how you say what you say. Like most game tenets, it’s something that if you do it enough it becomes internalized.
People are afraid of failure on every level. No one wants to make plans that turn out to be wack, so they don’t. That’s the nature of it all; sometimes your plans didn’t turn out well, but at least you had the balls to make them in the first place, and girls love that.
This is great for when you are supposed to fuck a girl. You demand sex. Don’t ask for it. Who cares if they say no. Their opinion doesn’t count. Only your opinion counts. If you want sex, demand it, and get it. Simple.
Very good post and so very true. Its tought when coming from a nice guy like me, but I’ve learned how to do it more and more effectively. Once you see it work, it not only blows your mind, but gets addicting.
As Willy mentioned the most important thing is to bring it into all aspects of your life. You can’t just do it with girls as they will see right through your try-hard attitude.
Sometimes I ask for the number when it’s obvious I’ll get it, but most of the time I just pull out my phone and say “Let me get your number.” Sometimes I say “You’re pretty cool, we should hang out sometime.”
this is true but you have to be careful of how pushy you are too! Sometimes even I take it over the edge.. like a lot of times the girl will instant shit test to see if you’re really a pushy guy or just faking it. Girls are amazing at testing congruence and you really gotta have your counterfeit bills look clean. Ever try the double binds?
What’s the double binds?
This isn’t reserved for pick-ups. Taking the lead is also paramount in LTRs. Don’t ask, tell. Girls want their men to behave like men and men don’t ask questions.
The key is to do it from a place of confidence. It cannot be an act. It cannot be obnoxious. The direction has to calmly convey, “You’re going to be happy with the decision I’ve made.”
I actually told my wife about the strategy change once I quit asking and started seeing the results of telling. She said something to the effect of, “I’m so much happier when you just make the decisions.” No argument, no faux-anger, just straight appreciation.
I’ve just convinced a girl to go camping with me, simply because I live at home and can’t have sex with her when my parents are around. I had a problem and solved it, and frankly it shouldn’t work but it does.
Yeah that’s not working out for me so much. I used to make plans with friends and chicks I actually got numbers and emails from. Folks never showed up. I did this for months different activities: movies, bowling, dinners, random pubs, etc. I made the shit damn easy for them to get to by planning in and around areas where THEY lived. Nothing. So I stopped.
Check your congruence or your frame. There’s bound to be other issues involved if even your friends just aren’t showing up.
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