A Quick History of My Crushes

I’ve never done well with crushes.  I was just thinking about all my previous crushes and how they played out.

1. Tig Ol Bitties

Tig Ol Bitties was a chick I had a crush on in 8th grade.  We had PE/Gym together.  She was half black, and half white, although I didn’t know that at the time.  I never knew what she was, she looked so damn exotic, and her breasts were so fucking huge.  I would hang out with her and her friends when I wasn’t playing basketball.  But, I overheard stories she would tell of the guy she was dating that bought her a horse, or how she lost her virginity and it was painful.  I didn’t know how to approach or come at her, so I never really showed her I was interested.  The best I did was when I came to gym class one day and said to her playfully, “Hey, I’ll let you touch my chest, if you let me touch yours.”  She laughed.  I grabbed her hands and put them on my chest.  Then, used that as an excuse to touch her tig ol bitties.  They were nice and soft.

I never realized she had a crush on me too.  I mean, I think I kind of knew.  She’d act all giddy and light up when I’d see her in the hall and give her a hug.  Then, once in Gym class her and her girlfriends came up to me and asked me to move my fingers as fast as I could, I did and I got “Oooohs” and then they giggled hysterically, to which she said to me, “How fast a guy can move his fingers like that, shows how good he is in bed.”   She blushed while she said this.  At the 8th grade prom, her friends drug her over to me to get her to dance with me.  She was blushing hard, but we danced.  She gave me her number and told me to keep in touch.   I lost it.

I found it a year later when I was in 9th grade and I gave her a call.  I hadn’t seen or talked to her since the 8th grade dance.  We talked and she admitted that she always had a crush on me.  I felt stupid for not acting on it in 8th grade.  She was the first girl to ever tell me that she wanted to have sex with me.  I was still a young virgin boy with no idea how to escalate.  I went to her house for her birthday party that year.  I went commando and had condoms in my pocket – as if that would be enough.   Her friends locked us in her bedroom and turned the lights off.  I did nothing.  She did nothing.  I was the virgin, she wasn’t, I was sitting her expecting her to escalate and make something happen.  She didn’t.  We sat there for a bit, neither of us making a move and then she said, “I have to get back to my friends!”  and kind of ran out of the room.  Damn.   My first attempt at losing my virginity, my first attempt at fucking a girl I had a crush on…. and it was awful.  I did nothing and I blew it.  After that, we made out when my mom came to pick me up and I’m pretty sure that was my first kiss ever with tongue involved – I did initiate that.  I felt like a pimp after my kiss, but I also knew I blew my first shot ever at getting laid.

Things died down between us after that.  We lived far from each other and went to totally different high schools, and she thought I had a crush on this girl at my high school, which I kind of did….  crush #2.

2.  Caramel

This light-skin skinny black chick.  I can’t forget her.  My freshman year of high school, we had Gym/PE together (I promise the theme of me crushing on chicks in gym class ends here, lol.)   I thought she was cute from the moment I saw her.  She had a boyfriend though, he was a junior, and somewhat of a thug.  I don’t know if he knew I liked his girl or what, but he’d always come into our PE class and challenge me to wrestle him.  I always did, and always put up a good fight, but I hated that he always challenged me like that.  Was he threatened by me?

Anyway, one day in the winter, Caramel comes to class without a jacket.  I have a jacket on, and she says she’s cold, so I give her my jacket and then use that as an excuse to sit up in the bleachers with my arms wrapped around her, under my own jacket, feeling her up and shit.  It was cool and I talked and hung out with her and whoever else was around.  One of the girls said to her at one point, “I think Willy Wonka likes you.”   Caramel, without even looking at me, says back to her, “That’s cool.  I like him too, he’s cute.”   If only, she didn’t have a man.   Well, she didn’t for very long, because they broke up.

I let a few weeks go by, but I was thinking about asking her out.  This is 9th grade still, so I’m not super smooth by any means, so I go to my boy who went to middle school with her and ask him for advice.  ”You don’t want to talk to her man, she’s kind of fast.  You want a good girl.  Trust me.”   I listened to him.  I figured he knew what he was talking about, so I left her alone.  What happened next?  He asked her out and they wound up going together.  Fucking bastard.  I never really tried much with her after that, but her and I were always cool though.

Then, in 12th grade, one instance stands out.  Her and I were skipping class.  We were in the parking lot together just chilling when she said, “We should go do something.”  I was feeling bold, so I said what was on my mind, “we should go to my house and fuck.”  She didn’t respond, she just walked to her car.  I followed.  She unlocked the passenger door and let me get in.  We start driving, we get down the block from the school and now I’m starting to get nervous.. wait, is she really talking about fucking?  She did hear what I said, right?  Is this really about to happen? She turns to me and asks, “okay, so where are we going?”   I stammer, “I don’t know.  Where do you want to go?”    She sighs, swings a u-turn and drives back to school.  I never had or attempted another chance with her again.

3. The Belizean

The was this other chick in high school, who’s family was from Belize.  She had a real exotic look to her.  Something about her eyes, I always liked.  In 11th grade, I crushed on her hard.  I mean hard.  I would go to sleep at night with dreams of us being older and her being my wife, having little multi-racial kids running around and shit.

We rode the bus together.  She’d always sit next to me.  Lean on me, fall asleep on me.  She’d give me a massage if I asked for one and complained about my day.  My other friends on the bus gave her a hard time, “Hey, you notice she only does shit like that for Willy Wonka!  She wouldn’t ever do shit like that for me!”    ”Shut up!”  she’d yell back at them.  This only pumped my head up even more.  I got her phone number at some point, and we would talk on the phone occasionally.   I think it got too friendly though.  I think I took too long to make my move.  I don’t really know what the deal was.  I started to hang out with her more though and do little stuff like walk her to class.  Then, one day, while walking her to class, I gathered up the courage, and asked her, nervous as all hell, “Will you be my girlfriend?”  She seemed shocked, “I don’t know what to say.  I don’t know.  Can I give you the answer in a couple of days?”   “Umm, okay.  No pressure, it’s cool.  No matter what happens, we’ll still be friends.”   “Yeah, I know we’ll still be friends,”  she said and left it at that.  She never did really give me a real answer, but I figured that’s what it was.

I haven’t seen or heard from her since high school, but I heard she’s into chicks now, which intrigues me to be honest.

4. PromQueen

I’ve already detailed the whole PromQueen story on this blog.  No need to re-hash it here.

Then, in college….

5. Spaghetti

Again, I’ve told this story before.

6. Stallion

Stallion is a stallion for real.  I mean this chick is bad.  A 9 in my book, for sure.  She has it all, ass, hips, breasts, pretty face.  I don’t even know how this went down or started, but I remember crushing on her hard during my junior year of college.  I had a class with her during my sophomore year, I think, and we talked a handful of times, but not too much.  She seemed to find me interesting and goofy.  It was a public speaking class, and anytime I presented in front of the class, I could always catch her watching  me intently with a slight smile on her face.  For some reason, I didn’t try to get at her until about a year later.  But, eventually, I did.  I don’t remember what started it, but I do remember we started talking on the phone and texting.  Then, one day, I was chilling with a platonic friend of mine who is pretty and is a stripper and me and her go to some talent show on campus.  We’re sitting in the front row.  While there, I had another chick texting me from a neighboring college, who wanted to come to town tonight to fuck me.  I was feeling pretty good.  I walk out of the talent show and sure enough, I see Stallion.  I go up to her and start talking to her and she points to the stripper chick, “Who is that?  I saw you in there caking with her.”  I laugh it off, “Girl, you’re crazy.  I wasn’t caking.”  I put my arm around her, “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”  And I walk her back to her room.  While walking back, she’s joking around, “are you sure you can just leave with me like this?  I don’t want to get you in trouble!”  She didn’t know me and Stripper were just platonic friends and had been for years, but I don’t tell her that either, I just laugh it off.  I walk her back to the dorms and we go up to her room and chill on her bed and talk for awhile.  I don’t try to escalate or even stay too long, because I already had some pussy on the way over to my place.  So, I jet to go fuck my chick from the other college.

Stallion and I start talking more at this point, and one day on the phone she says something like, so “I’ve been hearing around that you’re quite the huslter.”  I take this as a real good sign, because I know one of her friends pretty well, and i know that chick considers me a hustler, but more importantly, I took this to me Stallion was asking her friend about me – good sign.  After this, I remember some other event taking place on campus that she was going to.  I went with Dr. Know It All, but I left him and went to find Stallion where she was sitting.   There wasn’t a seat next to her, but she made some of her friends move over so I could sit next to her.  The dude that was sitting on the other side of her was a muscular dude and they seemed to know either other well.  I introduced myself to him, and from his manerisms and the sound of his voice, I figured he might be gay and he wasn’t a threat.  He also gave Stallion a hard time for making him move over so I could sit next to her, “Stallion’s got jungle fever!  Stallion’s got jungle fever!”  He kept saying to her.  ”Shut up!”  She would say.

After that, we really didn’t chill that much more.  The school year was coming to a close, finals were going on, etc, etc.  We talked on the phone a little bit, but when summer started, I stayed in town and she went back to her hometown.  So, we basically fizzled out.  I also wound up with a girlfriend that summer.  So, when college started back up, my senior year, I had a chick and didn’t really try to get at Stallion, even though she had moved off campus into the same apartment complex as me now.   I would speak to her whenever I saw her.  Her “Hi Willy Wonka” along with her smile would always make my girlfriend so jealous.

I dated that chick for basically the whole school year, but we broke up about a month before I graduated.  As soon as we broke up, Stallion popped back up.  I think I hit her up on Facebook, talking shit about her favorite basketball team, because I always talked shit to her about her team.  She started calling me again.  We started talking again, a whole year had passed since the last time I tried to get at her, but the crush was still there.  My roomates and I had a bar-b-que right when finals ended.  We each invited a chick.  I invited Stallion.  It seemed to go well.  It was 3 dudes, 3 chicks, she sat by me of course and we all joked around and ate bar-b-que that Frat Boy and I cooked.  A few days later, she called me to borrow a movie. She came over and borrowed one of my DVD’s, which she still has never given back to me, two years later.  Anyway, after that, we went on a lunch date.  I took her to a Mexican restaurant and we ate lunch and had a good time, I tried to go for the kiss at the end of the date, but she turned her head and all I got was her cheek.  She smiled and laughed about it and told me to have fun in Europe.  I left for Europe the next day.

When I got back from Europe, she was in another my hometown for an internship for the summer.  I was back in my current town, our college town.  I hit her up a couple of times when I was home, but I could never catch up with her, as she was always busy or had something already going on.  We didn’t talk much that summer and by the time school started back up, she had a new boyfriend.  I texted her one day about taking her on a date, but the response I got was, “Lol…. stop!”   So, I stopped.  I left her alone after that.  I’ve actually never had her number again.

This year in January, around the time I started this blog, I Facebook stalked her.  It’s not as bad as that sounds.  I had gone to happy hour and gotten pretty drunk.  I was back at home when my roomate showed up and started making jell-o shots.  I only got drunker.   Then, we decided to do something, I log into Facebook and Stallion just happens to mention that she’s at happy hour at this restaruant with her friend, and it’s real close to where I live.   So, fuck it we go up there, completely Facebook stalking her and her friend, but they don’t know that.  It works out alright at first, because I actually don’t even see her when I walk past her table, but she sees me, “Willy Wonka!”  she yells out.  I turn around, “Hey? What are you doing here?”  and pull up a chair.  Then, I proceed to make a complete, drunken ass out of myself and annoy the shit out of her and all of her friends.  Apparently I was “loud and obnoxious.”  They kept telling me to “calm down” which only lead to me screaming out, “I am CALM!!!”  I heard the story reiterated to me by my roomate the next day.  At least I entertained him, as he thought it was hilarious.

7.  My Current Crush

No need to rehash anything here.  That whole, detailed story is on this blog.

Anyway… that’s a quick rehash of all of the girls that I’ve had real strong crushes on.  There’s been others, milder crushes.  But these 7 chicks are the real deal, the strong crush, the one that I really wanted at the time.  I mean crushing on them hard…. and, as you can see from the stories, I was never successful with any of them.  None of them were actual relationships, and I never even fucked any of them.

Crush, so far, represents the high water mark as far as how far I’ve gotten with a girl I’ve had a crush on – which is her sleeping topless and me fingering her.  The previous 6 crushes, I’ve never even seen them as so much as with a shirt off.  I’ve never had any luck with a chick I’ve had a strong crush on.  That only adds to why I wanted Crush so bad and why it’s been so hard for me to just give up on her and leave it alone.   Fucking her represented some kind of validation that I can actually be successful with the chick I really want, because I have yet to pull that off.