I thought I was done.
But, I was frustrated. It still plagued me. What went wrong?
I couldn’t get her off my mind. She was the chick I had high hopes for. I had visions of spending summer days on the lake, eating picnics and riding jetskis and splashing each other in the face with water.
Corny? Maybe so, but shit, it is a crush. I never lied about that.
I’ve been crushing on this girl since December, dating her since March. Were thoughts of her really going to just disappear becuase I said, “fuck this bitch, I’m done with her ass.”
Of course not.
So, what’d I do?
I aired it out. I told her how I felt and I called her out on her bullshit. I sent her a long ass message on Facebook.
And… she liked it. She wrote back,
“First off I would like to say that this note sounds just like you lol I can close my eyes and imagine and picture you saying it, word for word! It’s uncanny! Haha
And Second, I love this note! I read it like 5 times so far! Guess it’s my way of telling myself I miss hanging and talking with you 
“
Then she went on to explain herself. She said shit like, “With the sex issue, I just simply don’t want to have it. I feel if I do it would definitely push us to the boyfriend/girlfriend route, which I feel is the appropriate time to be doing stuff like that.”
Then she further went on to explain herself and actually blame the fact that I seemed to push for sex at the end of every date as what pushed her away. Saying, “…you scared me off a bit when sex came up again and that was part of the reason I let you chill for a while. I wish things were different. You have your views and I have my own.”
She even admitted that another guy popped up and that’s what affected her hitting me up (That whole bullshit, “I’ve been stressed lately” was really just code for “I have too many options right now.”)
At the end of the message, she offered to cook for me. Saying, “So I don’t know where this leads us. I could definitely chill with you more and actually cook the [meal she flaked on cooking] for you if you want but it’s up to you. …BTW I have a new meal under my belt that I can treat you to!”
I thought about it. The point of sending her the message was to call her out on her bullshit. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hang out with her again or not.
I thought about more. I do like her. I do have fun when I’m with her. Is it worth it?
Assanova had a post about being patient with hot chicks. I thought about trying it out. I also thought maybe I could use this opportunity to really work on my game, responding to shit tests, being aloof, leading, and other shit I need to work on when it comes to chicks, especially hot chicks that I’m crushing on. If I could tighten up my game with her, it’d be good for me, right?
So, I decided to hit her up and take her up on her offer to cook for me. I told her to bring me dinner on Monday at 9:00 and to bring a movie to watch too. She agreed.
Guess what happened?
She flaked.
At 8:47 on Monday, she texts me, “Hey. I’m not feeling too well to cook. Maybe some other time within the week.”
I was pissed. I didn’t even respond. I just hopped in my car and went and got some fast food.
I couldn’t believe she pulled that shit. After I called her out on shit like that, too? What the fuck? Surely, she knows better. It bothered me for almost a whole day.
Then, I decided to finally respond. The next afternoon, I texted her, and the conversation went as follows:
Me: You know… I don’t even think u can cook, I think it’s just a big joke….
Her: Lol. Why you say that!?
Me: Cuz everytime you offer to cook for me its always some last minute excuse of why it doesn’t happen…
Her: Well I am sick! Lol
Me: Sorry to hear that. I hope it’s not fatal…
Her: That’s effed up!!!
Her again (10 min later): I can cook! I will prove it to you!!
Me: I’ll believe it when I see it. Put your money where your mouth is.
Her: What do you mean by that?? Are you just using the phrase or do you really want to bet me??
Me: I was just using the phrase…. lol. You proving to me you can cook should be payoff enough
Her: Oh ok.
And, that was the end of it? Or, was it?
I just couldn’t leave it alone.
I was still frustrated that she flaked on me. The next day, I came up with an idea. I wanted payback. I wanted to flake on her.
Only, I didn’t think of it until later in the day, and it was even later than that before I sent the message, which I finally sent out at like 10pm, “What’s up chick? Meet me for some drinks tomorrow at 9:00 at [bar].”
She responded the next day, “Hey I’m sorry for not responding. I’m still not feeling well Hun. Maybe some other time. [that bar] sounds interesting.”
I didn’t even get my chance to flake. Now, she thinks I was actually trying to go on a date with her after she flaked on cooking for me… damn, that backfired completely.
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Always “not feeling well” or her “health” issue before.. sounds to me like someone needs to stop bullshitting. If she’s that sick all the time at her age, she’s got a long life ahead of her. I simply cannot believe she said all that and still flaked on cooking. I wouldn’t even offer if I wasn’t going to do it anyway! What’s the point?
Lol @ the “I was so pissed I wanted payback” I’ve felt that way about bitches before..
Really makes you wonder about life and game when you see people flake and its really just an excuse to go out with another guy or something.
It’s been my experience that when a girl says she’s too tired or not feeling well, she’s out doing something else. Maybe not someone else, but doing something else. I actually ran into a girl who flaked like that the same night. She did her best to apologize but I knew what was up. She liked toying around but wasn’t that interested.
I think there is at least 1 other guy still in this picture. And with her flaking lately, it’s clear you aren’t #1, unless she’s doing that same shit to each guy. She’s flaked on you so much now that you’re in a really bad position. Your best outcome? Running into her at a bar, when you’ve got a hotter girl on your arm.
Agreed. I know that would definitely work with me. I’d be standing around with my friends, thinking about him the rest of the damn night… wondering if I should have given him a real chance. It would be especially good if she ran up to you and you acted stand-offish to her. It will get into her head and she’ll feel competitive.
Stopping hit her up. She wont have sex with you and is trying to make you her emotional tampon, especially with this other guy in the picture now. Don’t try to take revenge on her by flaking on her as that is actually quite childish and will get you no where. She knows you want her badly and is totally playing with you. Ignore her.
The Rookie is right. She was not sick or tired, she was doing something else probably with another guy. If a girl likes you, she will see you when she’s tired or a little sick.
You really need to get a replacement for this one so you can push her out of your mind.
Disaster. Epic fail. My young man- this needed to happen, and better it happened now, rather than later.
Sorry for being so brutally honest. But you need to learn from this. It happened to me one to many times, and i finally learned.
Learn From This! Never Do It Again.
You never call a girl out on her shit- NEVER!
You never let a girl know you are upset- NEVER!
You never let a girl know she got to you- NEVER!
You never write or email or text or facebook telling her how she is a bitch and how you are upset- NEVER!
Do any of these things and you will never get laid- NEVER!
The fact that you tried to set up date two right after the first flake- the very next day was a Horrible move.
You came off as an emotionally needy and as a desperate man.
sorry for being so brutally honest- but you need to hear it, and more importantly learn from it.
I still love you man.
You said it perfectly.
Yeah, I knew it pretty much as soon as I sent it and didn’t get a response right away. I was like “fuck that was a bad idea, I wish I could unsend that or take it back….”
Sorry to read the on going saga about Crush but i suggested you read Stage Two’s article on flaking but maybe you missed it. Maybe you can take the time to absorb it now. It’s the best you’ll ever read on the subject.
http://stagetwo.wordpress.com/2009/01/27/why-do-women-flake-and-how-should-we-respond/
Excellent article. 99% of it is right on for how I react to men and why I’d flake.
I prefer just to flat out tell them I’m not interested and that’s why I’m flaking. I don’t want them to follow me around and keep asking me out again if I’m not into it anyway.
Well, you are the only one who does that. You’d think girls would want to do this so the betas don’t keep pushing and trying. Or maybe they try harder when a girl refuses?
Good shit. Definitely something I need to work on.
game in BK is dead on. Look man, you planted the seeds for this once you started crushing. It put you in a beta mindset, and bad game was sure to leak out. it’s like saying she is “the one” right now, and there are no girls that could take her place.
for your own mental health in the game, you need to cut off all contact. suck it in as a failure. next her from facebook. never talk to her again. go hit on some hotter tail.
i would not delete her off of facebook. that would let her know she got to you. just ignore and pretend she doesn’t exist on FB.
sides, if you get tagged with some nice looking chics that will pique her curiosity.
Yeah, no, we’ve been Facebook friends for years… way before any of this started. Deleting her would definitely be too obvious.
The thinking is, if there’s absolutely no way of getting in contact, you can at least move on 100%. If you can avoid the late-night FB stalking, great. But if not…
I can avoid the late night FB-stalking. I’ve never hit her up on Facebook before.. this message I sent was the one and only time.
Just find an escort that looks like her.
They do try harder when I flake and I hate it. I don’t want them calling me and bugging me if I’m not interested, so I’d rather just cut it off altogether. I at least make sure to give them some notice though, I wouldn’t be shitty about it and cancel on the day of. It’s just common courtesy (or as much as it can be, since I’m flaking.) Sometimes I think I’m into them, I want to go out.. but they keep running their mouth or text me to death and eventually irritate me so I change my mind.
Don’t get me wrong, I used to flake and give excuses.. but I have learned that only makes them try harder and/or call more often to reschedule. I’d rather just come out with it and get rid of them, quite frankly.
Pursue other girls, even use some online dating and message a bunch of girls to create some back and forth with someone different. Text her in a week or two with no neediness and no trying to meet up with her, with no attachment to whether or not she answers. When she in all likelihood does answer, wait at least a few hours before getting back to her. Be distant with this girl for a little while and pursue other girls and interests. To sum it up: don’t be needy.
I really don’t want to go the online dating route at all. Not a fan of that shit.
Have you ever tried it? Did you have a bad experience?
I, as well as friends of mine, have met a few good looking girls through online dating, usually because they are too busy/shy/bored of bars.
I would definitely recommend it, if even to practice building comfort and attraction through text.
I have…
And, I’ve either gotten chicks who
a.) Look nothing like their profile picture any more.
or
b.) Are just so socially awkward/extra shy that it gets annoying (although these ones generally do make for good lays though… )
she just wants to milk for attention. period. chicks have low self esteem, they find value in the attention of men (dudes do this too, hell look at our preoccupation with game and what others dudes seem to have when they’re out in public with hot chicks)……and this is how chicks milk that so they have messages from however many dudes when they check their fucking phone every 5 gdamn minutes.
You should have followed Roissy’s advice. Never write anything to a girl that you wouldn’t be willing to have the world read. If you’d cringe at the betaness of another man writing it, then you know you shouldn’t be writing it.
Just find an escort that looks like her.
I fucked a Thai girl in Bangkok because she kind of looked like a Vietnamese girl I was banging in the states.
I feel like I followed that advice on what I wrote to Crush.
What I wrote to CuteNewChick however is a different story…. that one was bad.
Totally fucked up hardcore brah. Move on and don’t look back from that dumb bitch. What you never had will never happen.
Not the best played sequence, but anything I could say is going to be redundant.
…But as for never calling girls out for their bullshit behavior…why?
Do I get away with calling girls out for their shitty social skills because I resemble a younger Jon Hamm, or because I do it firmly and properly?
I made mistakes calling girls out before, and one of the first lessons I learned was to never make them in a permanent, saveable format; facebook messages, emails, text messages…
I prefer the callout in person, or on the phone if you have to.
All you really need to do is frame yourself as someone that is not to be disrespected (which should be done in the first interaction); don’t be angry, but be firm. Don’t namecall, but politely outline just what you think of her behavior.
My advice; dead it, no reconnection on your end, and when she calls (and she will eventually), be like this:
Her: Hey WillyWonka, how are you.
You: Fine.
Her: What have you been up to? Blah blah blah.
You: Nothing really.
Her: That’s wonderful! We should get together for drinks or something?
You: Why?
Her: Because it’d be fun!
You: I don’t know kiddo…you’ve consistently failed to deliver on the ‘fun’ you’ve promised me in the past and my time is too valuable to continue wasting.
Her: Come on! Let’s meet at (this place) on (this night at this time)!
You: Maybe. I gotta run. [hangup]
I’m a big advocate for being cocky and funny, but sometimes you say the most by saying very little, and if she doesn’t bite, then so what? Hot chicks are fifteen for ten cents (at least where I live), who the hell is she?
Bitches are so inconsiderate; they think that the world revolves around them, and the hotter the girl, the more out of control this phenomenon is. So flip it on them.
In the mean, continue chasing chicks. I doubt she remembers you trying to set up a date after she flaked in four weeks time; I know goldfish that are smarter and have better memories than chicks, most goldfish actually.
Since I posted a video in my last response…
Are you in? (remarkable song to fuck to) – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggLOdnlMOzw
That is very true, the hotter girls seem to have the worst memories about shit. Both Crush and CuteNewChick (by far the two hottest girls I’ve talked to this year) seemed to have ridiculously awful memories.
two things: 1.) never get emotional with a chick you haven’t slept with (crush or not) 2.) generally if a chick flakes without suggesting another time/place to meet, chances are she’s not interested
The problem here is that you didn’t really “call her out”. Calling her out would have been ignoring her after the first time she slighted you. What she took from your facebook message wasn’t articulated in the words but in the subtext: she got to you. You can’t SAY “I’m not to be disrespected”; you have to SHOW it.
By messaging her and airing out all of your frustrations, you basically told her, “You can fuck with me as much as you like! You’ve flaked on me 100 times, and I’m still here.” If you had truly moved on, you wouldn’t be sending facebook messages. You’d be too preoccupied with something / someone else.
smh throughout when I was reading this, last time I did something this retarded was secondary school. Damn son!
You call a girl out on her bullshit once, preferably right then and there when it happens. After that, you just leave it alone. If you keep contacting her, she knows that you’re heavily invested in the outcome. The more that you contact her, the more she realizes that you have no other options. No girl wants to be with a guy that seems like he has no other options. When a girl tries to play me, I call her out on her bullshit. And if that doesn’t work, I just leave her alone and let her choose to contact me again.
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